i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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