don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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