I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
