I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
