Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
