i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
