Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
