I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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