I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
