piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize