Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
i think my cat just said my name.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
