there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize