if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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