Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize