Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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