imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Let's paint friendship bongs
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
