I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
