oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Im part way to drunk.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
