he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
