I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
