My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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