You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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