You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
