Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
