There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
