wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
