My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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