Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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