just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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