It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I love you.
Bad choice
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
