oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
