I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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