Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
