You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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