Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
