..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
barbara walters just said penis...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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