Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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