i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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