i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
