I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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