All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize