just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
