They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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