Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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