that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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