don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
