Michael Bay diarrhea
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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