She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
