Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
