Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
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