He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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