It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize