he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
