Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
