when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
