I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
