I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize