youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
