he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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