I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
