For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize