Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
