I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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