He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
