we have officially mastered the walk of shame
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
