I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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