I just cut my nipple shaving
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
