And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
