my phone needs a breathalizer
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
