Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
