I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
