walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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