I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
